Study Abroad

Where have I been? If you guessed “across the globe,” you’d be right. As my time studying abroad comes to an end, I’ve been reflecting on the experience and what it has left me with.

Experiencing Japan was amazing, to put it simply. I had the chance to see the work of some of my lifelong inspirations up close. From Yayoi Kusama, to Hokusai, to Hayao Miyazaki, I was in awe every step of the way. In my most difficult moments—both as an artist and as a person—works from Studio Ghibli and Miyazaki have served as both anchors and motivators, keeping me grounded while propelling me forward. To stand in the presence of those works, so intimately and directly, was surreal.

As powerful as those moments were, the part of the trip that moved me most was watching people live. To be surrounded by a culture so different from my own, able to observe its rhythms, customs, and everyday beauty, was deeply touching, in the quietest and most profound ways. There was joy in everything from the grandest museum to the smallest alleyway. And with that joy came much-needed inspiration.

I found myself beginning to open up to the idea that I can approach new opportunities, put myself out there authentically, and succeed as I do so.

My second year of college was not an easy one. I spent most of it chasing success that wasn’t mine in an attempt to be perfect, to meet expectations, and to be “enough” in other people’s eyes. I worked endlessly. At some point, it was no longer for myself. I began to strive to keep winning against my own success. So, I hit a wall. I forgot why I created, and lost sight of the intentions little Emma held close to her heart. I knew I loved making things, but I didn’t know what— or who— I was making them for anymore. No matter how many small wins or compliments came my way, it was never enough. In that state, it never would be. Stepping away, literally and figuratively, helped me reset.

I don’t need to contort myself into something “marketable,” and I most certainly don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be honest, passionate, and true to myself. I have options. Nothing is out of the question, and I am allowed to pursue my many choices because my work deserves space. My job is to make it better, not to make myself smaller. For that clarity, and for so much more, I hold so much gratitude.

First Film Laurels

Chateau Orquevaux